so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
