Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
