I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.