Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
