I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea