I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"