He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?