ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.