i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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