You're completely useless in the revolution.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
