He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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