Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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