If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
