He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
