currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
