If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize