If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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