is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
