New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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