So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
