i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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