I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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