i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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