im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
