What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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