i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
