If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
did you just send me my own nude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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