went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
