roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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