I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
