ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
