I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
