this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
