i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
