His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
