I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
