Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
