You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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