who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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