I just made out with a guy for $7.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
