I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
