did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
