I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
