is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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