in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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