I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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