She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize