she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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