just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
