you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
