you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
