Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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