you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
