The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
