you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
