i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
