The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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