i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
