He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
