know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
