I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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