fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
