I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
