At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They took my balls.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
