john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
