1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
