The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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