the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
