and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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