i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is the high leading the old right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
